For It's Only In Your Will that I am Free

August/September 2008 to present

Before I proceed with the happenings of Thursday 4th September 2008, I just want to add another Soundtrack (if i may call it that) to my blog. I cant source a hyperlink for the song but I think the lyrics will be sufficient. This song has been a tremendous encouragement to me and I hope it is also a blessing to you. The name of the song is "Jesus, All for Jesus" by Robin Mark from the album Revival in Belfast. My favourite line is the title of this post.

Yes! That's the paradox and wonder of our God. We must surrender to His will in order to be free!! lol How I love Him so! lol Here's the song...well it's more like the lines that are repeated throughout the song:


Jesus, all for Jesus,
All I am and I will ever hope to be
Jesus, all for Jesus,
All I am and I will ever hope to be

For It's Only In Your Will that I am Free
For It's Only In Your Will that I am Free

All of my ambitions, hopes and plans
I surrender it into Your hands
All of my ambitions, hopes and plans
I surrender it into Your hands

My Soul Says Yes

Wednesday 3rd September 2008 until

This song by Shekina Glory Ministries has been like a soundtrack along this journey. I have worshipped with it and been encouraged over and over and over again!

I have learnt that God will use "a willing" heart and He will enable you to do things you thought you could not have done. I was very concerned about how I would be able to do things without Aunty Olga there. BUT I said yes; not to her but to God. He has made a way when there seemed to be none!

Here's the song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TIJbdBh2dmM

Regulations at Licensing Office San Fernando

Wednesday 3rd September 2008

When I look back and reflect upon the experiences I had with Aunty Olga before she left, I realised that God was preparing me to take responsibility for certain things in her absence. For instance, this day at the licensing office.



Here, I met Mr Ramdass the Assistant Transport Commissioner. Aunty Olga, four Deaf persons and myself were in his office as he organised their documents. It so happened that one of the Deaf boys Colin, had placed his documents at the Licensing Office in Port-of-Spain. So Mr Ramdass arranged a letter for it to be transferred. In this process, he asked me about my position at Agape Deaf Centre and took the liberty to "prophesy" (that is the word he used) into my life. He declared me to be a trainer within the Centre and he actually wrote that in the letter lol. I just looked at Aunty Olga and she nodded in agreement lol. Whatever God wills was my attitude!


After this, Himlater, Nalini, Shivan and Colin wrote their regulations and got their learners (well all except Colin because his papers needed to be transferred). It was a type of joy that could only be understood when you see the expression on their faces! Only later I realised how meaningful this seemingly minor achievement was for them. Particularly for those with a poor English competence, passing the Regulation examination meant so much to them. It signified a great achievement after much hard work and diligence.
"People seldom see the halting and painful steps by which the most insignificant success is achieved" Anne Sullivan


That afternoon Aunty Olga left Trinidad.

Independence Holiday at Agape Deaf Centre


Monday 1st September 2008

I went by Agape Deaf Centre for the first time on this day. It's such a wonderful place to relax and unwind. It's elevated position at Antoine Trace is idyllic. The swings, the tree house, the trees!!! (I love plants and trees), the land, the overall atmosphere was just peaceful and serene. Even the wind and sun seemed to relax there! I loved it :)

Some Deaf persons were busy planting portugal trees, others were cooking, some were supervising lol I was just relaxing and taking it all in. I felt as if I had escaped to a lovely retreat house on that day. If I could give that day a colour it would be blue. Yes, blue! A cool shade hmmmmm yes...now I feeling for one of those fruit punches with the little umbrellas lol

Meeting at Dretchi

Saturday 30th August 2008

Did I know where I was going today? What you think? lol Yeah, you're right lol I had no clue! lol But you know me, just going with the flow because I'm already feeling so bubbly and joyous from my experiences over the past five days. And believe me, those five days did not feel like five days at all!

Anyway, we got to the meeting and I sat and observed. Again, the issues raised at this meeting fell right into my garden. What is God up to? Six days ago I was just being lethargic and now all of a sudden I'm muy ocupada! lol I just sat in the meeting absolutely amazed! lol Growing up I always wanted to do something worthwhile, something that will make a difference and I often wondered how would I fit in the big puzzle but God was shaping and rounding my corners all along! lol hmmm...

I got the opportunity to speak with Mr Carl Herrera after the meeting. It was a productive conversation and also confirmation of many ideas that were beginning to take form in my mind. I have something to offer to the Deaf community of Trinidad and Tobago and a contribution to make to the untouched academic field where linguistics, language and the Deaf are concerned. The 'wh' questions and the one 'h' question did not deter me. When? Where? What? Why? Who? How? Nope! God is in control! He will make a way!

Well I was able to meet so much more Deaf persons. I was just stunned by how quiet the van was even though it was filled lol. I liked the peace :) The most interesting thing was the intermittent laughter. Oh just hearing the laughter made me giggle! I'm serious. It is so genuine and never really intended just to be polite to others, if you know what I mean. It's a genuine, heartfelt kind of laughter because its unheard by the communicators. Imagine that! wow

Well, one thing I must mention is the image of Stephen skipping home when we dropped him off. A young adult in his twenties, tall and slim skipping home lol!! Have we gotten so adulterated that we have imprisoned the child within us? Ahh...I learn so much from them!

I wonder what Sigmund Freud would say if he were alive?

Meeting with SIL International

Friday 29th August 2008

Well God must have orchestrated this day because I had my own plans and they never materialised. I was supposed to go by my good friend to see her new born baby boy. We made arrangements and everything was set. The plan was for me to go to church to have my lapy tapy configured then I will go to her home.

That was my plan.
Now here's God's plan.

When I got to church, my friend called and told me her husband will be able to pick me up so I began to organise myself to leave. Then she called again and told me that he has some things to do in San Fernando before he goes home so I could basically take my time. With that, I decided to stay for a meeting Aunty Olga and Ian were supposed to have. As usual, I did not know what the meeting was about or who the meeting was with lol. I was just happy like pappy and glad to be involved with the ministry!


I entered the Conference Room last because I was exchanging some greetings with the usher. As I entered, I realised that I was about to be a part of something important and meaningful but I still did not know what it was. I tried to put on my professional demeanor lol (You know the one where you speak Standard English and behave like you did not grow up in the country/"bush"! Yes, you know it. Well, that one lol). Anyway, Pastor Mark introduced Mr Doelman and Mr Payne from SIL and a few moments later the meeting began. I'm not sure when it happened, but I was given the role of note taker lol.

Believe it or not, I forgot about my prior engagment with my friend. I was just consumed in my role and all the information that was circulating within the room. As time elasped and the meeting progressed, something began to become more and more glaring. I realised that several linguistic issues were being raised and it became so very clear why I pursued so many linguistic and language courses at University. I was just at the right place at the right time. I sat in awe. I was just amazed at God! lol He thought about it long before; He was weaving His mastermind plan! Imagine that! lol God you're awesome!

Only as the meeting was nearing an end, I realised that my friend had texted me. She basically said that we could arrange for another meeting if I was unable to come that day. There were no hard feelings or resentment associated with the text lol. I let her know I couldnt make it and I just marvelled at how God holds things together! Colossians 1:17 "He is before all things, and in him all things hold together" NIV

I was just bubbling bubbling bubbling with excitement when the meeting was over. Aunty Olga told me she began to wonder if I would feel overwhelmed and discouraged by the projects presented but I just loved it!! I found my place :D

After this meeting Aunty Olga and I talked over some Subway sandwiches and the feeling that I knew her for years never left. I felt so comfortable with her and knew that God also had our relationship as part of his plan. lol Hallelujah!

Praise be unto Him!!! He is worthy and faithful and true!!!

"She is not an animal"


Thursday 28th August 2008

Well, this was the first time I was going to meet more of the Deaf. I was excited and anxious and I really did not know what to expect. But my experience with Ian and Shevon was great so I wasnt too worried. Aunty Olga was about to teach them and prepare them for their regulations exam.

This day was one I cant easily forget mainly because I probably had one of the closest experiences of how a Deaf person feels in a Hearing world. With a limited knowledge of Sign Language and the fact that I did not know most of the people in the room, I felt so alone and isolated, maybe even out of place to be amongst the Deaf as they signed and laughed with each other. I really did not know what to do lol. I wondered if this is how a Deaf person feels when Hearing people are talking and ignoring them. I admit that it was not the best feeling in the world and I couldnt stand to think that this is what they have to endure daily...sigh.

Well I immediately occupied myself to overcome the feeling but soon enough the class was almost ready to start and Aunty Olga began to introduce me to some of the Deaf present. I remember Himlater and how friendly she was. Everytime she passed me she smiled. I also remember Shiva and Shivan. They seemed so hyped about the introduction but at the same time nervous! lol I felt the same way lol. Everybody was just waiting eagerly for their turn to be introduced. I cant say with confidence that I remembered everybody's name that day. To be quite honest I was just too happy lol. I remember Rayon's fingers trembling as he signed the letters of his name and I thought to myself "Oh no! I'm so normal and ordinary...if he only knew!"

Well the class began and Aunty Olga presented me before everyone. I just slowly signed my name as all eyes focussed on me. They all seemed to genuinely want to know my name. Sigh...so precious. After introducing myself I sat next to Shivan and he seemed very aware of my presence. And I, with all the happiness injected in my soul, just smiled and smiled and smiled!! I'm smiling now! Have you ever smiled with your soul? It's that kind of smile..:)

I just looked at Aunty Olga in such amazement and total admiration as she dramatized the driving regulations! I laughed so much! I felt like a child again :)

Later on in the lesson, she used me as a prop to dramatize the hand signals. In her dramatization, she held my hand and motioned it to demonstrate the different hand signals. I of course, sat and was ever so eager to be of assistance but Rayon did not share those views. He stopped Aunty Olga abruptly and told her "She is not an animal!" :-O When she told me what he said I was just amazed! I was touched actually.

How sensitive they are to the little, seemingly overlooked things in life! My perspective of life was beginning to change...I was beginning to see that we complicate life so much. A Deaf person seems to see the world through the eyes of a child.

Matthew 19:14 "But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven." KJV

A Willing

Wednesday 27th August 2008

So I took a day off for Boxing Day to spend with my Aunty. But I couldnt wait for the next day to see what God had in store! As a matter of fact, I did not even know what I was meeting Aunty Olga to do but I was still so excited!

Turns out we were going to start working on a Bible Study on dvd for the Deaf. Which, by the way, is a worthwhile project because so many of the Deaf do not understand the Bible as their English competence is not so strong. Translating a written work to Sign Language will always be a more valuable approach where the Deaf is concerned.

So Ian, Aunty Olga and I met Kerri at church. The only thing I kept repeating in my head was "Lord, please help me to be a blessing and not a hindrance!" lol I could be a bit clumsy at times... BUT God is good! lol I was able to type and read out the Scripture verses for Kerri and Aunty Olga. So my prayer was answered and I was so grateful!

At lunch, I was able to talk to Ian through Aunty Olga. I was just so moved and thrilled to communicate with him! Even more, Aunty Olga left briefly and Ian and I communicated!! lol He taught me some signs and I couldnt believe how easily he understood me and what I was trying to say. He clarified things effortlessly. I just forgot everything around me as we talked.

When Aunty Olga returned, Ian told her to tell me that he figured out a sign name for me. Okay, because it is just impractical to spell people's names every time you refer to them, the Deaf community create a sign name for the person. Most times, if not always, this sign name is related to an outstanding feature that the person has like long hear, or markedly arched ("boss or besttes") eyebrows lol.

So when Ian said he had sign name for me I anxious to know what it was. I looked at him and he placed his hand near his heart signing the letter 'A' then pushed his hand forward to sign the word 'willing'. When this sign was explained I was so encouraged!! Here I was wondering if I would be a hindrance and not a blessing and then at the end of the day Ian comes up with this sign name for me...It was such a tremendous blessing and encouragement!!

I went home just bubbling with joy! Then if that wasnt enough, Kerri sent me a mail thanking me for my help :) I smiled and I worshipped and thanked God for what He was doing in my life! No academic achievement, no secular appraisal, no qualification could have compared with the joy and the contentment I felt knowing that I was operating in God's will and doing something I am truly passionate about!!!!

Home Sweet Home


Monday 25th August 2008

So on the following day I met Aunty Olga and two Deaf at church.

I entered the church with so much excitement in my heart! lol I laugh again! God is so amazing! I just walked in and I saw a young man sitting at the back of the church and I just knew he was Deaf. I dont know how but I just knew. So he smiled at me and I smiled back. His smile was so genuine that I couldnt help but give him a smile straight from my soul. I sat next to him and I just wanted to say something but I did not know what to say or do lol.

When Aunty Olga arrived I was not amazed when she introduced this man as Ian, one of the Deaf leaders. Hmmmmm...and when I think about it I was a bit concerned with how they would respond to me and how I would communicate with them but Ian and Shevon were so warm and I felt as if I found my home instantaneously.

On this day, I also met Kerri and Denyse. I would have never predicted that this simple meeting with Kerri would have evolved to many more and I felt as if God was soothing my concerns of communication with the Deaf when Denyse explained that when she started to help she knew nothing about Sign Language as well.

The meeting at Denyse's home was just so...is there an adjective?? First of all, on our drive to her home I felt so comfortable with Aunty Olga. It was as if we always knew each other! lol yes I laugh again! When she began to tell me about herself I felt as if she was telling me about myself! lol (Please note that when I laugh out loud I'm just amazed at the way God works!)

Anyway, I was so eager to learn Sign Language and communicate with Ian and Shevon! I started to imitate Aunty Olga and Denyse!! lol I wonder what Ian and Shevon thought?? oh yes hehe

That night I went to my Aunt's home so contented and absolutely at peace!!

My Christmas Eve in August


Sunday 24th August 2008

I must have been deaf to the paranging and carolling because it was just another ordinary day in August for me. I got up and went to the First Service at my church. Maybe I should have known that it was not an ordinary day? I didn't normally attend the First Service nor did I go to Youth Church very often. But on this Christmas Eve I did. Something was about to birth in a modern manger and I hadn't yet seen the star.

I thoughtlessly followed one of my friends up the steps towards Youth Church and as I opened the door something violently grabbed my heart and drew me in another direction. I found my star in an unexpected place. It was Deaf Church.

:-D I must laugh when I think about it!! Just the night before I asked my mom to find out about any orphanage or home for the aged I could volunteer with. lol I had also thought of a girl I went to school with (Siquina) who I vaguely remembered helped disabled people. I had flirted with the idea of contacting her on facebook but it never materialised. lol You know the Director of the Deaf Church (Mrs Olga Anthony) is her mother!!!

Anyway, I went to Youth Church but an unseen force was still negotiating with my heart to go to the Deaf Church. I just wanted to leave and go! So when Youth Church was over I hurried across and my entire being was smiling. My heart, my soul, my mind was just at peace. It was the birth of something wonderfully unexpected and equally welcomed!! I had a joy and I cant help but smile as I wrote those four words..."I had a joy". I smile again. :-)

So I waited and I observed the service now nearing an end. I was moved oh so deeply. I looked at Stephen pray (I did not know his name then) and was simply amazed. When I finally got the opportunity to speak to Mrs Anthony (I now call her Aunty Olga), she gave me her call card, took my number and asked me what special skills I have and my mind went blank!! All I could say was "poetry"! lol