I carry them in my heart

Wednesday 31st December 2008

This is my last post for 2008. Sometime this week I was reflecting upon my year and the blessings God has so gracious bestowed. I think it was a worthwhile exercise because I was able to recall all the good things He has done and just glorify Him for His mercies favour and faithfulness. I don't deserve all the things God has given me but He is so forgiving and full of grace. I think it is a humbling experience to be blessed by God.

Psalm 8:4

What is man, that thou art mindful of him? and the son of man, that thou visitest him?

In my estimation, my greatest and most rewarding, humbling and satisfying blessing was when I walked into that door of service on my Christmas Eve in August with uncertainty but still a striking surety within my heart. As complex as it is to describe, it is a simple truth that my involvement with the Deaf Ministry is the highlight of my year. It has changed my life in ways I had not imagined.

1 Corinthians 2:9

However, as it is written: "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him"

I have grown and I have changed. My senses have been amplified to the natural, simple and priceless things around me. I have found a part of me that I had lost and I feel as if I'm rediscovering who I am. Someday I was reviewing the Christmas pictures I took with my deaf friends and for the first time in a long while I saw that my smile was not plastered. I am just able to be myself and I'm most comfortable in their company that it's hard to stop smiling. I'm not sure how I've helped them but if I was able to touch a life the way they have touched mine, then I would have done something amazingly wonderful in 2008.

Reader, I'll have you know that it is the deaf who have loved this unloved child and accepted this rejected person. Know that no matter how much academic achievements and secular applauses you've gained nothing compares to touching and changing lives. I have found no greater joy than the joy of serving God and making a difference.

I also have to mention that I've seized the opportunity to teach my co-workers sign language. It actually started at Day 2 at the office lol. I really cant help it lol. Anyway, today three co-workers and learnt the alphabet and they promised me that by Monday they will perfect it. (The girl in the pic above did not want her face to be shown lol)

Last night I was missing my precious deaf friends oh so much! I missed their company and the liberty I experience when I'm with them. I think when I speak about them, when I try to create awareness, when I try to teach others sign language, it is my way of carrying the deaf with me. Know that I carry them always in my heart.

Luke 6:45

The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks.

Right now a song of thanksgiving is flowing out of my heart. Here are some of the words:

"I have so much to thank God for

So many wonderful blessings and so many open doors

For every mountain you brought me over

For every trail you've seen me through

For every blessing

Allelujah

For this I give you praise"

Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also (Matt 6:21)

Sunday 28th December 2008

Today I met Aunty Olga's daughter Siquina and her finance Obie at church. I must admit that our meeting was a bit dramatic lol. I remember walking into the church car park and seeing Omar burst through the church door pointing me lol. Then I saw Siquina right behind him smiling away :) I bypassed Omar and hugged Siquina! I was so happy to see her! I felt as if I were bonding with family. I can't really explain why but I feel as if I've known Uncle Elred, Aunty Olga, Siquina and Omar for such a long time, when in reality I'm now really getting acquainted with the family lol.

After Siquina and I exchanged such warm greetings, I hugged my dear Omar and was introduced to Obie. Actually, for a very brief moment when I first saw him, I mistook him for Uncle Elred lol. He was so pleasant and charming. It was truly a joyous moment for me. For months I've been communicating with both Siquina and Omar via internet and to finally enjoy their company was really fulfilling. I knew that if no young person could relate to the experiences and joys of serving God in the Deaf Ministry, at least they would. I suppose the loneliness I felt supporting the Deaf over the past few months was soothed by their presence. That's exactly what it is. I know that in the past week or so when Omar was with the Deaf I was exceptionally happy to have his company as a fellow youth.

Sometimes I feel alone and inadequate not only because I have no formal training in Sign Language and a rudimentary but developing understanding of deaf culture but also because at times I am physically alone. I rely on God to teach me and direct me and I know He has set me apart for His purpose. So even though I feel alone at times, God is ALWAYS with me. Yet it is refreshing to have young people who share similar passions like Man Di, Siquina and Omar.

Well, on this afternoon I attended a gospel concert our church was hosting at Mannie Ramjohn Stadium. I think that it is safe to say that this was the first event that I've been to with only hearing people since I've been with the Deaf. At first it was strange. I looked on and I just felt slightly out of place. I actually missed my Deaf friends and wished to have at least one deaf person next to me who I could laugh and talk with. It was heartrending. Eventually I began to adapt and all in all I enjoyed myself and consoled myself with the knowledge that God was with me and He understood the mixture of emotions I was experiencing.

I believe that no matter where you are, or what you do, nothing could tear someone away from something they truly love...not even the individual themselves.

This Christmas was a very special Christmas for me

Thursday 25th December 2008

I had predicted that this Christmas will be a very special Christmas for me and it was. It was my first Christmas with my precious Deaf friends. Shevon had told everyone to wear red and we looked so lovely together. I really felt that extra special Christmas feeling when I was with them.

When Deaf Church was over I distributed some candy sticks and some cookies. I had lots of fun doing it! There was an excess of candy and cookies so I was just moving around asking everyone to take more lol. Of course Shevon never refused and his wife scolded me a few times for offering him more cookies! lol

Jonathan, one of the hearing babies of a Deaf married couple also made day. When I approached him, he looked at me, smiled, then hid his face and blushed!! I felt so special when he did that! His brothers were surprised that he smiled and that made it even more precious!

Mostly everyone was in high spirits and I simply could not have started my Christmas any better way! Even though my cousins were far away and I missed the togetherness of family on Christmas day, I had my new Deaf family and I just could not ask for more. :)

Observer's Paradox

Wednesday 24th December 2008

While I was waiting on the "PT eh Sleep" Bus yesterday, something came to mind. I began to think about the Observer's Paradox and how that applied to my experience with Sign Language.

First of all, I learnt about the term when I studied Sociolinguistics. The linguist William Labov coined the term and it refers to the difficulty or paradox of acquiring untarnished data in research while the informants are being observed. The paradox lies in the informant's awareness that he is being observed and his unconscious alteration of the information he provides in order to present himself in what may be deemed, an 'appropriate' manner. Thus, the researcher gathers information that may not be a true representation of what really takes place even though the acquisition of realistic data is the researcher's main intent.

How does this relate to signing? Well, through my own minor research, I realised that my signing skills are greatly affected when I know I'm being observed by someone who knows Sign Language. My competency decreases significantly in my view and I am VERY conscious of what I am doing. This consciousness causes me to make several mistakes. On the other hand, when I'm not being observed, my signing is more natural and fluent.

So this was just a thought I had whilst waiting on the bus.

Footprints in the sand - Leona Lewis

Tuesday 23rd December 2008

Another Soundtrack to add to the blog.

I came across this video as I was browsing the web. It represents so many things I want to tell my Deaf friends.

Check it out:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d08X2lN669k

"Footprints In The Sand"

You walked with me

Footprints in the sand

And helped me understand

Where I'm going

You walked with me

When I was all alone

With so much unknown

Along the way

And just when I

I thought I'd lost my way

You gave me strength to carry on

That's when I heard you say

(Chorus)

I promise you

I'm always there

When your heart is filled with sorrow

And despair

And I'll carry you

When you need a friend

You'll find my footprints in the sand

I see my life flash across the sky

So many times have I been so afraid

And just when I have thought I lost my way

You give me strength to carry on

That's when I heard you say

(Chorus)

When I'm weary

Well I know you'll be there

Cause I can feel you

When you say

I promise you

I'm always there

When your heart is filled with sadness

and despair

Oh, I'll carry you

When you need a friend

You'll find my footprints in the sand

Christmas Fellowship

Sunday 21st December 2008

Let me begin by saying I have NEVER seen so many Deaf persons gather at church before!! Wow! The turn out was amazing! First of all, I had little input in the overall planning of the fellowship. I just contacted a few invited hearing people. That's it. Everything else was administered by the Deaf leaders. I am really proud of them all.

The previous Sunday at Deaf Church, each person chose a name to give a gift to as well as a food item to bring to the fellowship. Well, "dat was food!" There were so many cakes and drinks that they eventually gave cakes away as prizes for games lol. Yes, our cup was running over in abundance. The food went well together and everything was sufficient.

We opened with a few people and as the day progress more people kept joining. Among the specially invited guests present were Pastor Mark, Sister Pearl, Adele, Winette and my mom. Presentations were made to these people for their support in the Deaf Ministry. Denyse, Nadine and Omar were also there. Sister Pearl was present at the former half of the fellowship and was able to experience typical Deaf Church activites like prayer, singing, Bible quizzes and dramatisation or miming of scripture verses. All games were Bible oriented and tested everyone's knowledge of Bible stories.

Roger mimed the story of the ten lepers who Jesus healed and only one returned (Luke 17:11-19). This was the first time I witnessed miming by the Deaf and I was very impressed. I remember Sister Pearl saying that she was so glad she came while they were miming.

There was much laughter and interaction. All in all, it was a great fellowship. When Pastor Mark arrived he looked at the number of people and said "This is nice". He was able to sit and interact with some of the Deaf present even though he did not know sign language. It was good to see him interacting with them. What was even better to watch was when he held Shevon's new born baby fondly in his arms :)

I was also able to get to know Omar a little better in the midst of all his hard work. I cant help but feel like he is the brother I've always had. I cant believe that I've only now formally met him lol. He has a wonderful sense of humour and he so easy to talk to. I am just amazed at how God orders things. I am definitely no social butterfly yet God places me with people who I feel comfortable with and seem to fit with. I think that's so amazing! Praise God!

As the games progressed, I was eventually called upon to participate. Nadine and Denyse were my competitors lol. We had to list the names of the books from the New Testament in order but BACKWARDS lol. To be quite frank - I don't even know the books in order from first to last! lol Anyway, some way somehow, I was the last man standing even though I was unable to recite all the books. I won a pear and a lovely pair of green earrings :) I was also among the large group receiving a pear/apple just because it was their first Christmas Fellowship with the Deaf.

The gift exchange was also successful and Ian skilfully addressed all inconsistencies. Again, I was really impressed by the planning and organisation. Everyone was able to get a gift. I had bought a gift for a Deaf boy who did not come and so I had to give this gift to Gerard. I was happy and ready and willing to do that!! It was an absolute pleasure to give this gift to Gerard because I felt that he deserved to get something special for Christmas and I know that he would appreciate it above all else. When he opened the gift, the smile on his face was priceless. The joy of Christmas flooded my heart there and then.

I MUST note all the precious babies that were at the Fellowship. Krystal's baby was silent as usual but actively running up and down the room enjoying and entertaining herself. She seems to love other babies :) What was most precious about her is when she began to sign with her little fingers and sweet expression. I thought it was the most fascinating thing to witness!!

Well Shevon's baby slept through the Fellowship with his cute little self. Crystal's baby was the SWEETEST, most ADORABLE and CUTEST baby ever! This was the first time that I saw her and I fell in love instantaneously!! The first time I looked at her she looked at me with her bright little eyes and gave me the most precious and wonderful smile in the world! I AM NOT OVEREXAGGERATING. I think she was the highlight of my day. I couldnt take my eyes off her. Awwwwww :D

This was the BEST fellowship I've ever been to. I enjoyed myself thoroughly and I enjoyed everyone's company completely. I was also happy to know that the Deaf were able to come to a safe place to celebrate the joy of the season. I smile and when I think about it :) Isn't our God an awesome God?!

Of course I couldn't help but go to work smiling the next day ;-)

EOG Resources

Tuesday 16th December 2008

Agape Deaf Centre was invited to EOG Resources Annual Fields Cheque Ceremony. Ian and I went to the function at 10am on this lovely Tuesday on the fourth floor of Briah Place. It was the first time that I went to this building and I found it to be exceptionally exquisite, classy, majestic and ornate.

I think the most intriguing thing about this day is that the grandeur of the building was complemented beautifully by the charitable service of EOG Resources. It was good to know that prosperous companies could still remember displaced people in society and support financially. Agape Deaf Centre was one of 51 NGOs nationwide that benefitted from EOG's giving.

I was so glad that I had the opportunity to go because I had the priviledge of hearing the work done by variou NGOs in the country. It was particularly enlightening and encouraging to see so many people who were making a difference in the lives of displaced and differently abled people nationwide. I remember the founder of FEEL stating that the day the nation stops caring for these special people would be a very sad day.

EOG was constantly thanked for their giving and for the first time it became blatantly apparent to me how little the government contributes to the development of differently abled people. All in all, in the final assessment, it is the NGOs that deaf, blind, homeless, aged, sick, abused people turn to for support, comfort and love. Makes me wonder how and if the nation's tax money contributes significantly to the welfare of these people?

Even more upsetting to me is our 2020 Vision and the near absence of consideration for differently abled people. How could we move forward and leave this sector of our nation untouched? I my estimation moving forward has EVERYTHING to do with the welfare of the nationals and if the major concerns of each group whether its a minority group or not, is not addressed, sky scrappers and high tech systems will fall short to the neglect of the people.

"Together we aspire, together we achieve". Trinidad and Tobago lets move forward together and leave no man behind. I stay true to the cause our nation's displaced people.

Here is the list of NGOs and their contacts that was distributed during the function:

1. Adult Literacy Group of Trinidad and Tobago: 624-3442/653-4645
2. Agape Deaf Centre: 681-4375
3. Autistic Society of Trinidad and Tobago: 663-8397/669-0462
4. Cancer Support Organisation of Trinidad and Tobago: 652-9144
5. Caribbean Centre for Missing and Exploited Children: 638-8053/683-3582
6. Child Welfare League (Tobago Branch): 639-3967
7. Child Welfare League of Trinidad and Tobago: 623-6301/621-4029
8. Christ Child Convalescent Home: 637-6023/633-9293/776-2789
9. Committee for the Upliftment of Underpriviledged: 655-4121
10. Express Children's Fund: 623-1711
11. Families in Action: 622-5365/6952
12. Family Cottage (Children's Rescue Programme): 787-0311
13. Finbar ryan Geriatric Home: 633-0882/623-4926
14. Foundation for the Enhancement & Enrichment of Life: 624-7758
15. Friends of T.O.W.E.R.S.: 639-4620/781-6013
16. Goshen Halfway House: 642-1693
17. Holy Name Training Centre: 623-2277
18. Hope Centre Limited: 657-9630
19. Immortelle Children's Centre of Special Education Limited: 621-2944/2943
20. Islamic Home for Children Limited: 650-0773
21. Kids in Need of Direction (KIND): 626-5463/6333
22. La Brea Social Action: 648-7571
23. Lady Hochoy Home North: 622-4495
24. Lady Hochoy Home South: 650-2164
25. Living Water Community, Marian House & Hospice: 623-4677/625-5168/6730
26. Memisa Vocational Training Centre: 667-2314
27. National Centre for Persons with Disabilities: 642-4880
28. Pour L"innocent: 678-1996
29. Rainbow Rescue: 625-6666
30. Rape Crisis Centre of Trinidad & Tobago: 622-7273/657-5355
31. Reach to Recovery (Cancer Research Group): 622-1977/637-9230
32. Rebirth House: 623-0952/765-3193
33. Renal Support Group: 622-6431/727-4716/862-3372/708-3602
34. School for Blind Children: 676-8451
35. Serenity Place: 794-7980
36. Silent Voices Workshop: 638-2858/468-2262
37. St. Dominic's Home: 625-7163/7081
38. St. Vincent de Paul Home for the Aged: 764-8510
39. Sylphil Home in Love: 639-2844
40. The Halfway House: 650-2684/652-3651/657-9114
41. The Jayalakshmi Children's Home: 671-6559
42. The JC Mc Donald Home for the Aged: 657-8832
43. The Princess Elizabeth Special School: 678-9045/627-7303/625-0777
44. The Shelter for Battered Women: 746-4535
45. The Special Children's Riding Fund: 637-3697
46. Tobago Council for Handicapped Children: 639-3167/639-4753/639-2768
47. Tobago School for the Deaf: 639-3582
48. Trinidad & Tobago Association for Retarded Children: 632-1272
49. Trinidad & Tobago Cancer Society: 622-6827/800-8827
50. Vision of Hope: 648-7571/7730
51. Women in Action for the Needy & Destitute (WAND): 629-2492/389-9772

Good Morning Monday

Monday 15th December 2008

Well it was back to work on this Monday morning after a wonderful weekend with my precious deaf friends. I usually travel with the PTSC or "PT eh sleep" (as I call it) bus to Port of Spain. This morning I was blessed to see Kenwyn hop on board!! As I saw him walking down the aisle I waved at him and he smiled and sat next to me.

I do admit that I did sleep...(I cant help it lol). If it makes any difference, Kenwyn slept too!! lol. I was able to have some one on one time with him although it was brief. He told me about his PTSC experience and working experience and how travelling and working tires him.

Well my Monday couldnt have started any better! A great weekend and a morning bus ride shared with a deaf friend were the perfect ingredients to have me walking to work smiling :)

Christmas dinner

Sunday 14th December 2008

On this Sunday at Deaf Church I met Omar, Aunty Olga's son. The interesting thing about Aunty Olga and her family is that I feel as if I've known them for years lol. Actually when Omar walked into Deaf Church this Sunday I felt such a joy to see him. I was happy to see another young person who supports the Deaf. It was really a pleasure to have him with us and I think he was not just a blessing to me but to the Deaf. It was refreshing to see their faces light anew when they saw him and as they interacted with him.

This Sunday a Pastor Quamina also brought a Missionary and his wife to visit the Deaf Church. The Missionary spoke into the lives of the Deaf. He told them not to limit God by their disbelief and that God wants to do big things in their life. He also told them that they could hear God talking to them even though they are deaf. I was truly blessed by this Word.

That afternoon was the Christmas Dinner at Ms Marsha's home in Fyzabad. I am pleased to say that it was a big success!! The food was good, the 'lime' was good, the night was good. I have to say that it was the best dinner I've been to. The jokes were constant, the laughter was sweet, the mood was light and merry. I could not have spent my afternoon with better people in a better place. I was also really contented to see everyone dressed up and ready to unwind and enjoy themselves. I am really really at peace to know that we were able to have this dinner for them.

I think it goes without saying that Shevon was our entertainer for the night! lol He was the storyteller as usual and so our table was where all the action was!! I think Winette, her boyfriend, Ms Marsha, my mom and all the hearing people there were just intrigued by all the drama lol. He was also part of the reason why the night was so wonderful. God bless Shev, his wife and his Christmas baby boy :)

Mr Cleavon and his wife Mrs Judith were also there briefly and I know that for the short time that they were there they enjoyed themselves too! If I'm not mistaken, Mrs Judith learnt and used a few signs solely from observation and interaction. She told me if she spends more time with them she'll learn it fast. I believe her lol.

Of course I have no one but Winette to thank for making this night so special for the Deaf. She was able to cook up a storm for us and I know she was very passionate about this idea. It's because of her willingness to teach the Deaf and do something worthwhile for them that made this night possible. I thank her.

Sleep over at my home

Saturday 13th December 2008

This night Himlater and Lisa came to Fyzabad to help decorate for the Christmas Dinner which was to be the following night. After which, they came to my home and spent the night and we went to Deaf Church together the next day.

We met Ms Marsha whose house we were using as the venue. Himlater, Lisa, Winetter and I blew up some balloons and arranged some of the tables and chairs. We then went over to Winette's home and chopped some veggies to help lessen the cooking work load for Winette.

God continues to take care of us. When we were ready to go home Ms Marsha volunteered to drop us. I had concluded that we had to walk home because my mom went to a dinner and couldnt collect us. Yet God provided :) as is His habit!!

That night I was able to bond with Himlater and Lisa. I learnt so much about the both of them. Himlater shared about how she became deaf. I had always assumed that she was born deaf like most Deaf persons but she told me she was born hearing until there was an incident that caused her to become deaf. I was shocked to hear this and it is amazing to know that even though she was a young girl when this happend, today she cant remember what the hearing world is like.

Himlater was really consumed in the internet and my laptop so while she experimented with the range of possibilities the system offered, Lisa and I were able to talk. Lisa opened up to me and shared so many things about her life. She had only learnt sign language when she was about 22. I cant even begin to imagine what a silent and boring life she must have endured for 22 years... She shared her experiences as a Deaf girl in her family life, school life and married life. I was happy that she trusted me and was able to freely talk to me. I took the opportunity to encourage her and remind her about the sovereignty of God.

I was so happy that they came and even happier that I was able to accommodate them for the night :) I remember how excited I used to be as a child when my friends came over...having Himlater and Lisa at my home birthed a similar feeling. It shook a part of my little heart that was dormant for some years. I cant really identify how exactly I'm impacting the lives of the Deaf but it is certain that they are changing my life and helping me through an unexpected journey of self-discovery and rediscovery.

Manners Matter

Tuesday 9th December 2008

Today we were not going to Fyzabad for hairdressing class. Instead we stayed in church and I was able to teach on basic manners from the book Manners Matter by Fred A Heartly. I was pleasantly amazed by the response. Some things I assumed the girls knew, they didnt. I saw on their faces the look of revelation and also appreciation that they were able to learn some common courtesies. Nalini even suggested that I teach the entire Deaf church the lesson lol.

Nalini also touched my little heart on this day. We were discussing how to show respect to different people depending on your relationship with them and we were actually critically comparing hearing and deaf culture. She asked me what they should call me. I told them that "Alana" is fine. Nalini then told me that we're sisters so she will call me sister. I think that was the highlight of my day. I consider it an honour for her to think of me as a sister. To me, they are all my family.

Mom's birthday

Sunday 7th December 2008

During Deaf Church I was able to share about fasting. We were fasting on this particular Sunday and I wanted to make sure everyone understood the importance and significance of fasting. I realised that many believe that it is just when you dont eat. I explained why it is important to strengthen your spirit and how fasting helps. I want to testify that God must have guided me because I was signing and I cant remember actually thinking about the signs before signing them. What's more, ideas and teaching strategies just emerged as I continued sharing. I could see the gleam of understanding in their eyes and the most encouraging thing was when Vonetta nodded and stated that she did not know that before. I was soooo blessed! Stephen began calling me "preacher woman Alana" lol.

There are so many things I want to share and tell them but sometimes I feel like signing is a communication barrier. Today I realised that I just need to open myself for the Holy Spirit to do His work.

Mark 13:11
...take no thought beforehand what ye shall speak, neither do ye premeditate: but whatsoever shall be given you in that hour, that speak ye: for it is not ye that speak, but the Holy Ghost.

This day was also my mom's birthday so I organised for the Deaf to sign happy birthday to her. I know she was happy, touched and pleasantly surprised by it :)

That afternoon I meet a few of my precious, Deaf friends at Christmas Village. It so happened that I and the majority of the Deaf girls there, wore pink. I was able to spend some one on one time with Lisa as we visited the booths and I was also able to 'lime' with Sherlan, Azard, Neela, Shelly (Neela's hearing sister), Navita and another Deaf woman. We had a fun time dancing and pretending to be parangderos singing and playing musical instruments!! We called ourselves "Pretty in pink girls".

I really cant remember my previous Christmas Village experiences but I think my time with the Deaf this year has made it incredibly memorable. I also cant remember the last time I felt so free to be me. The Deaf are helping me find myself.

Man Di leaves Trinidad

Friday 5th December 2008

I set my alarm for about 4:15am that morning to make sure I see Man Di before she left. Roger came to collect her at 4:30am to take her to the Airport. We hugged and thanked each other for a wonderful week then she was off to Piarco International Airport.

That morning I found a drawing that I had requested from Man Di, her wallet made of rice paper and a lovely card that she made and placed on the table for me. How could I describe the blessing of Man Di? Of course I would cherish every gift she left and not only the thoughtful, creative ones on the table but also her witness as a Christian sister and friend. I truly believe that her time here was God ordained and I know that she has made a difference in my life.

Man Di's last day in Trinidad

Thursday 4th December 2008

Today was Man Di's last day in Trinidad. We all wanted her to relax and enjoy herself before she left. So she went to Maracas beach with Roger and his wife Sindy, Shevon and Ian. I did not go because I had another commitment. Though they spent about an hour at the beach Man Di enjoyed herself and that is what was MOST important to all of us :) She deserved it.

One thing worth mentioning is something Navita said on this day. She stated that she loves the Deaf Ministry of Agape because she was afforded opportunities to learn different things in Driving classes and Hairdressing classes. When she said this I was tremendously blessed and encouraged - TREMENDOUSLY. It means that Agape is making a difference in her life and helping her to grow holistically. I was really blessed when she said that!! :)

Well, Shevon, Roger, Sindy and I went to Long John Silvers with Man Di to spend time with her on her last night in Trinidad. It was fun. We were joined by a few other Deaf persons and we were entertained by the story telling around the table!! It was a cool 'lime' or a sweet lime lol.